Yes, my blogging has been very sporadic lately, and it's for all those normal non-blogging reasons: life has been busy. Which makes sense and doesn't make sense because you'd think life being busy would give me a lot to write about. However, a busy life leaves less time to think about that life, which translates into zero writing material. And because I'm white and white people like irony, I'm going to say this is one of the semi-cruel ironies of our internet lives.

With that said, I'll go ahead and share some of the busyness that has kept me from writing. The biggest thing going on in our lives is our three-week trip to Europe, for which we leave in two weeks. Holy crap I just realized we leave in TWO WEEKS. This trip to Europe is the fulfillment of a long awaited and once thwarted dream, and I can not express how crazy excited I am, except to say that I'm pretty sure I may crap my pants when I get off the plane in London.

Our travels will take us to England and Wales, including several days in London which looks absolutely amazing. I'm secretly hoping to meet Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond while we're there, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I mean, I haven't dreamt about it or anything...

After a week in the UK, we'll head over to the European mainland and travel to Bruges, Belgium; Germany, to see Matt's host families; Switzerland, to see the Alps and a friend; Austria, to unfortunately not see my family (sorry family); and France, where we will spend our 3-year anniversary in the French wine country and wind up our trip in Paris. We may even throw in Luxembourg and Lichtenstein just for kicks.

Aside from planning for the trip, we have been working on the house, growing a garden, and of course working for a living. In a spectacular feat of poor planning I somehow managed to plan 3 project deadlines to hit either right before we leave or while we're on our trip. So, that has definitely added to the craziness in my head. But God has been good and he seems to be wrapping everything up nicely (crossing my fingers and knocking on wood). Once we're back and I've had a chance to process the thousands of pictures I'm sure we will take, I'll post about the trip here. Until then, happy summer!

Went to Barton Springs on a most beautiful day for an after work swim, then, as we were leaving we saw a guy practicing his tight rope act on some tie downs he rigged between 2 trees. There's always something new to see in this town.

Lately I've been trying to work with Abi on her potty training techniques because, well, she seems to have gotten a little lazy since we moved into the house. In all fairness to her, we've also gotten a little lazy seeing as how we no longer have to take her out and make sure she goes potty and instead we can just open up the back door and let her roam freely in the backyard. Last week, after some training research, I decided that I would go out with her regularly and give her the "potty" command, and then reward her with praise and a treat whenever she does go potty. She knows this command already, but she seemed to need some reinforcement. It's been going ok, and this weekend while she and I were in Boerne visiting my parents it went GREAT. All I had to do was show her the treat and say "potty" and she would pop a squat. I was feeling so hopeful after weeks of discouragement with her bathroom habits.

Then we came home yesterday evening and I haven't been able to get her to potty on command since. It's like the little punk heard me telling Otis that she was doing so well and my master plan seemed to be working, and she decided that it would now be her purpose in life to make me look like an idiot. Prime example: earlier this evening I was wandering around the backyard with Abi trying to get her to pee when Otis called (he's in DC). In between very excited, high pitched "potty" commands I told him that I was frustrated with her sudden change in obedience, but my will was stronger than hers and I would win this battle by golly. He was silent for a moment and then said, "No, it's not." And he was right. She never did pee, and we ended up going back inside with two very mosquito bitten legs as the only thing to show for my efforts. Abi 1, owner 0.5 (I gave myself half a point because I didn't give her the treat. Sucka!).

This weekend Otis and I installed the window kit we bought from Crestview doors in our front door, and we could not believe the difference it made. It was truly shocking how it changed the front of our house. It look so good that I've kept a picture of it up on my computer just so I could gaze at it in wonderment periodically. Otis was apparently doing some reminiscing, and sent me this picture of what our house looked like when we bought it:

The thought that went through my head when I saw that picture was "What on earth possessed us to buy that hideous house?", because I couldn't imagine making the same decision if I walked into that same house today. But I remember how hopeful we were to find a house we loved, and how easily we saw past the blemishes (of which there were many) to the potential it held. Not unlike, I'm imagining, how a new parent feels when they look upon their newly born, purple, goo covered, squished up baby and declares it to be the most beautiful baby that has ever been born. Yesterday I saw the goo as I looked at that sad little house, and I am thankful for my new house parent blindness, because I really do love our little place.

Here is a picture of our house now, well on its way to reaching its full potential.

Me: I don't want to go to work.

Otis: I need you to go to work.

Me: Why?

Otis: Because I need you to bring home the bacon.

Me (snorting laughing): It's more like Spam.

So, last week I made a decision, and can I tell you how long I have labored over this decision? Inordinately long. Ridiculously long. Stupidly long. *Sighing and shaking my head* Now that I've actually made the decision, I look back and wonder what took me so darn long to make it. Maybe I needed that long to gather my courage. If that's the case, I've really got to work on that courage gathering thing. Maybe I needed that long for it to sink into my very thick skull that it was the right decision for me to make.

Whatever the case, I made it with as much certainty as I could find in that moment, turned to God and said, "show me if this is wrong". I fully expected him to knock me back into my place because this decision, as hard as it was, lifted a burden off of my heart that has been weighing there for so, so long. And it felt good. And I have this really ridiculous notion that if something feels good to me it can't possibly be what God wants for me. But instead, God has brought people or articles or verses across my path every day since I made that decision that have completely and 100% confirmed that I made the right choice. I know it's only because of those confirmations; God's little way of gently pounding it through my skull that YES, this was right for me; that I was able to stick with my decision and have so much peace about it today. Words can not express how thankful I am.

Of all the accounts of parenthood I've read or heard, all the explanations of what it feels like to be a parent, this one is the only one that has made me think that yes, one day I want to be a parent, and when that day comes I will love it. It will be hard, it will stretch me (no pun intended) beyond anything I could have ever imagined, but I will love it because of "the dimension it will add to what it means to be alive".

Thanks, Heather.

Oi. I have been off the blogging radar for a while. Although my last post did generate quite a few comments. It was fun reading everyone's thoughts and opinions. Just to clear one thing up, I'm not seriously considering not having kids, and I'm not pursuing any permanent changes to my reproductive system that would prevent me having kids. I was more interested in exploring the idea of what our lives might look like if we never had kids. I'm pretty certain we will have them (or adopt them) someday, just not anytime soon.

There really isn't much to report on our lives right now. We are still working on the house. We installed a new back door last weekend, and I am amazed at how much better our kitchen and the outside of our house look with it in. Our previous door was a solid, boring metal door with a peep hole in it. Our bright, new shiny door has a full length, double-paned, low e glass window in it. Our kitchen now has so much more light in it and I love it.

We are also almost ready to paint the outside of the house. I think. I've been saying we're "almost" ready for about 3 weeks now. Prepping to paint is just so much more work than either of us ever thought it would be. After all of this, painting will be a breeze.

On a down note, the economy has finally hit home. The company Otis works for has issued 2 weeks of mandatory vacation and a 5% pay cut across the board. We, of course, are very thankful that it was only this and that he still has a job. The financial shift isn't going to be too bad. I am so thankful to have a husband who manages our finances so well and with so much forethought. Otherwise this could be a lot more painful.

Well, there's your Otisi update. Hopefully I'll have more interesting things to say next time.

The subject of having kids has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm sure it has everything to do with the fact I am turning 30 in May, but the twist is that my thoughts are less about having kids and more about NOT having kids. Plainly stated, I feel like the older I get the less I desire to have children. The part that weirds me out the most? I think I'm OK with that. Let the parental freak out commence.

The facts (and the questions that follow):

1. I have absolutely ZERO desire to have a child right now. Isn't that supposed to be the EXACT OPPOSITE when you are about to turn 30?
2. Every time I am around a child, screaming or not, all I can think of is HOW MUCH WORK it would be to have a child, and God knows I don't need anymore work in my life right now.
3. Everyone I know who has children says that the reward is totally worth it. I don't believe them. I think they are all full of crap. I know that for them, that statement is one of the truest statements they have ever uttered. But I am incapable of seeing past the work to the reward.
4. I have more of a desire to get another GSP puppy than I do to have a baby.

Last night we had dinner with some neighbors of ours. They are close to our parents' ages, have no children, and have been married for 27 years. We had such a blast with them, and I loved getting to know them better. They didn't seem like there was any huge void in their lives because they didn't have children. Their marriage seems great and thoughtful and giving...not one of selfishness that I have always been told childless marriages are. They seem happy, fulfilled, and most of all...carefree. How many of us can say that about our parents? Later, as I lay in bed talking with an almost asleep Otis, I realized that my real struggle with this issue isn't with the fact that I have no desire to have kids right now, but more with the fact that my desires go against every societal "norm" I have been expected to live up to all my life. But what else is new?

There are so many questions that come to mind as I toss around the idea of never having children. Questions like: I'm almost 30...shouldn't I have some burning desire to fill my womb? And if I don't have that desire, does that mean there is something fundamentally broken in me? What would our lives be like if we never had children? Would we have some bigger purpose God wants us to accomplish, instead? Or, am I just being selfish?

I write all this to say that I am more unsure of what that part of our lives looks like with each passing day. For now it's just us and the dog. And for now, that is enough.

Otis: I'm glad you don't have saggy-baggies.

Me: Not yet, anyhow.

Otis: That's why the Bible says you should enjoy your wife's breasts in her youth. (He's referring to Proverbs 5:18-19; paraphrase is his)

Me: So, you're just obeying God's commands, then?

Otis: Definitely.